Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my mouth tastes like poor choices
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
