ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
