you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
