Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Randomize
