In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
