Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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