She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
