I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
