I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
