So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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