Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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