is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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