You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
