Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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