Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
