I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
