Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize