Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
