Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
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I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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