I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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