Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i think i have two assholes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
