Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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