its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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