I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
