My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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