distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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