Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
