When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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