so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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