so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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