Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
