Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
