Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
