Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
