Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
