whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You took a bar mat shot.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
