My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
