my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
