Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
