so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
