Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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