I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
