I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
