i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
