im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
