He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
