Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
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I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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