I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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