I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
