i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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