my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
