I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
