i jhust puked up my retainher.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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