Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
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she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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