Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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