Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I want to be your penis for a week.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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