she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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