Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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