ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
