I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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