These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
