My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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