i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
