It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
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MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Alive.
So much puke
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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