I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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