I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
