turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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