remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
