I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
