pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
time to smoke my breakfast
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
