Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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