His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
