i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
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I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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