we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
