You're a womanizer and a bitch.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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