A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
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somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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