wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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