I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
