Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?