True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
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In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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