Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
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The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.