i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.