I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I will find, mount, and marry that person.