Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
