Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
